cast of characters
ana – our heroine, who is stuck in the past, and loves old things.
narrator – ana’s thoughts.
mr.MadeItSo – ana’s husband, who is lightyears ahead and doesn’t really like old things.
lady at the thrift store – an innocent bystander; another victim of ana’s wrath.
teen – thrift store worker/couch lifter/grunter with wonky pupils and the munchies.
the couch – an old victorian beauty who has retained her feminine curves and quiet grace but who has recently undergone a facelift (don’t tell. she’s a bit shy about it).
[ana walks into thrift store, heading towards the housewares section first, as usual. looks through some junk before noticing a golden glimmer through the spaces of the dusty shelves. she pokes her head around, and can not believe her eyes.]
ana: no way!
[ana, heart racing, walks over to an ornate victorian style couch, running her hands over the curves of the wood which is in fabulous condition.]
narrator: i hope this couch has a rip in it or a cigarette burn or something, otherwise i will have to buy this, and mr.madeItSo (he who loves modern decor) would never be happy with such a thing in the house…maybe if i sit on this couch, it will be really uncomfortable and then i wont want to buy it. yes, that’s it.
[ana sits down on the couch]
narrator: it’s comfortable.
[ana looks at the fabric and turns over the cushions]
narrator: it’s almost brand new. reupholstered recently…uh oh…how am i going to explain how this followed me home?
[ana looks around a little self-consciously, then gets down on her hands and knees, sticking her head directly underneath the couch for clues, her one hand supporting herself on the ground, the other hand pulling her shirt over her back, modestly. cricks her neck in the process…]
[reads the tag]: upholstered in canada using all new materials…
[ana sits back on couch, a little dizzy, mostly because she just stood up from her contorted position underneath the couch, but also partly because she can not believe the find!]
narrator: i can not believe the find! it’s perfect. $149 but we need a couch in the living room. right now, it’s just an empty space since we moved the old couch to the basement…
[ana pulls out her cell phone circa 2004 (everything is “vintage” in her world, especially technology — much to mr.MadeItSo’s horror and ultimately, dismay).]
[ana takes a photo of couch to send to mr.MadeItSo, who is away on business doing very important work… but this is even more important. surely he can be interrupted.]
[stumbles with texting using the phone’s keypad. she’s not very good at this thing. she has a phone plan with a ridiculous number of free minutes per month. she uses up about 4 of those minutes each month if she’s feeling particularly chatty.]
ana texts: can w3 gel this coach?
[considers deleting and retyping, but that would take too long.]
narrator: besides, he’ll know what i mean… married all these years, he’ll know. and he’ll see the photo i just took and he will see that it is the couch of my dreams, since he knows me so well. and he is so wonderful and supportive that he will be totally on board for this purchase! how could he not?
[continues sitting on the couch; a store worker walks by glancing towards ana. ana, who is unknowingly snarling with bloodshot eyes, has a death grip on the cushion with one hand, thumb hovering over “send” with her other hand.]
narrator: back off lady, this couch is mine!
[ana sends the rough approximation of what may be called a “photograph” along with the cryptic text message.]
[ana waits; considers wandering around a bit to pass the time, but decides against it. retains unspoken rule of thrifting: if i’m sitting on it, it’s mine!]
[*bloop! you have mail!*]
[ana reads message…]
mr.MadeItSo: “you’re kidding, right?”
ana: (sigh) this will be harder than i thought….
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